Leave it 2 Beaver

Times are changing. That’s true for would-be con artists as well. Most don’t just buy themselves a server, a membership on the Dark Web, a file of stranger’s personal passwords and jump into business.  They start small and local, attacking neighbors and acquaintances.

Like a rejected episode of Leave It To Beaver.

Send me $500 or Ill post this everywere

Ive got mor

Ill make them go viral

FULL DISCLOSURE: Although inspired by actual screenshots sent to me by a reader, you will notice none have been incorporated into this article.  I make it a policy not to out kids-no matter how dumb they are.  So please don’t try to find Beaver Cleaver’s parents in the hopes of giving them a stern talking-to!

The novice scammer picks his/her victims largely as a matter of their age and gender.  Like most kids, these two qualities dictate much of their perception and experience.  In this case, we are dealing with an adolescent male just old enough to drive unchaperoned.  He’s old enough to think he’s street smart.  He’s also a dork.  He left his profile all over his message.

The person he picked is also fairly consistent with the typical victim of his demographic: a young, pretty girl old enough to be legal but young enough to draw his…attention.  She has lots of pictures in various suggestive poses.  He doesn’t know her, just knows of her.  He found her on Instagram because a lot of his friends follow her.   One look at her profile tells him she graduated from the same school he attends-or one nearby-a few years ago.  That means she’s local.

Since she’s local, our little baby Einstein thinks he’s got her pegged. She won’t want those pictures to get out-how embarrassing!  But she does have selfies behind the wheel of a Mercedes so she probably has money.  

And our young thug takes the leap into blackmail.

Aside from the glaring criminal and mental health issues in our scenario, the Beaver slipped up.  He picked a professional model to prey upon.  She isn’t embarrassed by the pictures at all.  In fact, she makes a living from them.  That living includes selling pictures like that all the time-pictures which are legally protected by copyright.

Successful models understand their business is twenty-percent visual and eighty-percent personal and Beaver’s quarry, we’ll call her Angel, remembers when she was his age not so long ago.  

She too was stupid, very-very stupid.  The boys her age were even stupider than that, so she decides to cut the kid a break but still show him whose boss.  She screen-shot the message he sent to her and circulated it on her personal Facebook page to see if any of her local pals know his mother.  Angel wants to have a talk with her.

Bad gas travels fast in a small town and Beaver’s mother is quickly identified.  Angel begins reaching out to her to inform her of what her little bundle of joy has been doing instead of studying and going to church.  She tells Mrs. Cleaver that the site the pictures were taken from is an adult site that is prohibited to minors.  She also tells her about the copyright infringement and how she enforces it.  She asks that Mrs. Cleaver intervene with the Beaver, encourage him to stay off sites like this while under age and take the images down. 

Your son has photos that should not be in his possession and is threatening to post them if I do not pay him. The photos are copywritten material and his threats are a crime. Please see that your son deletes them and stops. Thank you.   

At this point, June Cleaver has a choice.  She can either have a heart-to-heart with Beaver or she can defend the little creep.  Sadly, the Beaver’s pervy ways did not come by accident as our friend June decided to demonstrate.

Many small time cons lack the testicular fortitude to stick with a con by themselves.  They need encouragement, morale support, and even accomplices.  In our scenario, Beaver probably lacked the experience to follow through on his threats in the first place.  His strategy undoubtedly didn’t extend past I-threaten-and-she-gives-me-money.  But like the socks she has told him to pick up off the floor a dozen times, Mrs. Cleaver will try her best to clean up this mess too and thus show us some other tricks two-bit scammers employ against their targets.  Beginning with The Push Off: 

Who r u 2 tell me how to parent my kid? Don’t text me again

As the name implies, the push off is a deflection tactic in which the victim’s complaint is blocked while applying enough pressure to make a second attempt uncomfortable.  June wants Angel to know that she is not happy with the stunt-Angel’s stunt, not Beaver’s.

Much to the Cleaver’s chagrin, this is not Angel’s first rodeo.  Models are used to people mistaking femininity for weakness. Angel will have no part of it.  Instead, she remains very firm with June and issues a very stern warning.

The images are from a paid adult site. He does not have permission to view these much less distribute them. Blackmailing is a crime.

Have your son stop immediately and delete the images of I will contact the police.

And backs it up in case Mrs. Cleaver thinks she is bluffing.

Mrs. Cleaver begins to recognize that she is not going to be able to brush this under the rug like the potato chip crumbs from dinner under the couch the other night.  She will have to use more force and more vulgar insults.  

What kind of stupid slut puts pics uv themselves out 4 kids to find? U r nothing but a whore. I have nothing 2 say 2 u.

But Angel isn’t playing. She’s more than willing to back it up.

I’m talking to the police right now. I gave them your name.

They want your phone number.

All the while, Angel is sharing these shots on her personal Facebook page-a smart move.  It documents everything as it happens and brings attention to the conflict.  Since it is a conversation occurring via text, most times it will not be admissible as evidence anyway so Angel doesn’t have to worry about keeping it out of the public eye.  It records the conversation so Angel doesn’t have to worry about recalling it later.  It also evokes the timeless power of social media: public humiliation.  

Publicizing the Beav’s criminal activities also has the resulting effect of increasing consumer attention to Angel’s professional adult website, so thanks for that! But June is not thinking about that. She’s too busy trying to shut her down.

I know Jon very well. He has my #

In this response, June has illustrated for us another card in the con artist’s deck: the Beat-You-To-It.  Otherwise known as the It’s-Who-You-Know, the con attempts to undermine the victim’s confidence/conviction by making it clear that the police are in the con’s corner-usually with an exaggerated personal relationship.  June is warning Angel.  Keep going and my friend the police officer will do anything and everything to make this go away.

Angel isn’t someone who struggles with self-confidence and calls June on her bluff.  At this point, Jane has nothing.  She knows she has nothing.  So she pulls another card.

What did u think would happen when you spread ur legs? Grow up n deal with it

This is one of my personal favorites.  The Get-Over-It (and its twins, Grow-Up and Let-It-Go) are about the thinnest dodges ever.  It’s a lazy way for a dirt bag to say, “Yeah, you were victimized and that should be rectified but since it affects me and I don’t want to be bothered, you should just accept it.”  What could be weaker?  We’ll find out when Angel doesn’t budge.

If u have anything 2 say 2 me or my son say it 2 my face! Don’t blast it all over facebook like a whore!

She goes for the Sin Card!  The bad guy’s answer to that age-old question of why bad things happen to good people, the Sin Card places responsibility and blame squarely on the shoulders of the victim.  It makes about as much sense as defending a robber by saying the bank asked for it.  Poor Beaver is a victim too!  It’s not his fault he deceptively obtained access to an adult porn site, illegally downloaded pictures, researched the contact information of the owner, attempted to extort money and was refused!  He did what anyone would do under the circumstances, right? If Angel wasn’t anatomically correct, this never would have happened!

Ummm, no.

And with that, we see June retreat into the shadows to enlist reinforcements.  

Unable to deter Angel with angry words and pitiful deflections, June and The Beaver have run out of new material and are forced into re-runs.  

Enter Uncle Wally:

Im sorry Beaver did that. Hes a good kid n believe me hes nothing like June’s family. Im contacting his dad.

Please don’t tell the Beaver what Im doing. I want him 2 still come 2 me 4 help.

Uncle Wally sounds like a great guy!  Not only is he concerned about the trouble his nephew is in, he’s eager to see the situation resolved for everyone.

It would b cool if u could send me some pics

Yep, he’s really interested in everyone getting a piece! 

I sent screen shots of r texts 2 Ward. Ill tell u when he gets back 2 me. I would b so cool if u would send me sum pics. I won’t share them or anything. I just want 2 check them out. The Beav is a good kid. Ill let u know.

So interested that he’s willing to drop a little request or two in the middle of his message.  What a guy!

Yep, Wally must be the diplomat of the Cleaver clan.  Notice how he manages to insert both control over all communication and a silver of resolution with his next request for a pic?  I thought the inclusion of his promise not to share them was a nice touch.  Truly Wally must be a man of integrity!

But as we know, Angel is a professional photographer who does not give away her craft for free.  Well, we knew that.  Apparently, Wally missed the boat. 

If it's like that n u don’t want 2 ok. I wuz gonna help the Beaver anywayz

And doesn’t look like he can tread water with the ladies.

Actually if u want 2 b a fucken rich snot u can figur this out on ur own. Its ok 2 sho ur pussy 4 money but not 4 free? Ur kind of a snobby bitch. I aint as dum as u think. Ill inform the Beaver how 2 keep from gettin in trouble. N the person who did it payed 2 get on ur site 2

Recognize the resurgence of the Sin Card?  Wally’s one classy guy!  Not a particularly creative one, but classy to the end.  I wonder why there is no Mrs. Uncle Wally, don’t you?

As Wally slinks off to spend some quality time with an Avon catalog and a bottle of Jergen’s,  June gives it one last push.  I call this the Moral High Ground:

Sluts get what sluts deserve

If cons cannot control the victim or coerce the victim, the next best thing is to silence the victim-or try to.  At this point, they are admitting defeat in battle but not giving up the war.  Now they are no longer focused on beating the victim, but preserving their image and reputation among the community of other potential marks out there.  Now they are thinking about the long game, the other scams and cons they have in the works, and what kind of damage might result if Angel’s experience becomes public knowledge.

No June, you will be talking to her lawyer and probably a judge soon enough.

My name is Jennifer Beck and I’m Jenuinely Jennifer.

Writer, Researcher and Critic.