My Dream Man
Dave is a lucid dreamer. I’m not sure exactly what that is except he talks in his sleep a lot. I talk in my sleep too. I also walk, shower, make coffee and fold laundry. I scared the crap out of some poor kid at Girl Scout camp once when I fell asleep with my eyes open. I cleaned a lot of latrines as a result, the counselor thought I was tormenting her.
But Dave tends to remain in bed when he is sleeping, occasionally sharing a few private thoughts in the late hours. I’m a light sleeper and my ears perk up when I hear him. Sometimes I wake in time to listen to the sneak peek into his brain.
One evening as we slept, me prone on my chest and Dave flat on his back, Dave muttered something under his breath. Then he announced loudly, “Two to three months into our relationship…” and smacked me on the ass.
Not a pop or a spank, but a full-palmed bun-cupping that encompassed the full mass of the ham!
Immediately alarmed, the first thing I did was try to sit up. But since I was sleeping on my face, the only thing I did was ram myself deeper. So in case you were wondering, yes it is possible to smother yourself with a pillow! Narrowly avoiding the most peculiar self-affliction ever, I nearly fell out of bed as I flipped over and sat upright. The ‘immediate’ maneuver probably took five minutes.
When my gaze turned to Dave, he was still lying peacefully on his back as if nothing had happened.
But two to three months into our relationship, what? I spent the rest of the night thinking what the end of that sentence was. I hoped he was thinking something nice, but I was too tired to be too positive. Since 1994, I have abstained from caffeine for medical reasons. Try that and then tell me you would be Pollyanna!
The way he spoke made it sound like he was speaking to someone, I wondered who? As open and gregarious as Dave is, he could have really been talking to anyone. I have watched him have the same conversations with his parents that he has with his friends, so it was very hard to tell. His grandiose announcement didn’t leave many clues either. He’s a theater guy, so he always has a flair for the dramatic.
On to his handiwork! That too, was short on tangible evidence. We are a physical couple; we pet, we wrestle, but usually behind closed doors. Dave is very affectionate but doesn’t reach past PG-13 in public. I couldn’t think of a group or individual that he would be more likely to give me a pat on the bum than another. Come to think of it, I was probably more likely to commit that PDA than him. Nope, no hint there.
Getting nowhere with the act itself, I then thought about the timeline itself. Two to three months, huh? That took us into the holiday season, way past Date Three and a Half. (Shameless reference to my entry “When I Put My Finger On It”) It’s exclusion almost made the mystery deeper.
When the alarm went off the next morning, I asked what he was dreaming about. Completely off guard and without the benefit of a few hours to reflect, he said he didn’t really know. He gave me a peck and asked how I slept.
Funny you should ask, I said!
I'm Jennifer Beck and I’m Jenuinely Jennifer.
Writer, Researcher and Mystery Lover!
