The Game Winning Shot

WHO SHOT JR?

Since the pandemic began, I have been eagerly waiting to get the vaccine.  It’s an odd experience for me, I’ve never looked forward to getting a shot.  I’m a trypanophobic-or a needle phobe.  It’s a crippling irrational fear that I never look to confront.

It’s not the pain that gets to me but the idea of a foreign object inside my skin.  Instead of spending the whole time gasping or crying “Ow, ow, ow!”, I get lightheaded and start screaming “Get it out, get it out, get it out!” inside my brain.  That’s actually quite a break-through for me.  I spent over thirty years literally screaming-in doctor’s offices, hospitals, labs and the occasional vaccine clinic set up at the mall. I remain on the banned list of two of them and a third won’t see me without an escort.

But I’ve also seen first-hand the effects of the virus, not only in the number of people we’ve lost but the impact on the lives of the survivors.  I would do anything to help return our communities back to normal.  And with that resolve, I got on the CDC website, checked out the locations in my area with available vaccines, and scheduled an appointment.  Walmart could get me in the very next day at six in the morning, giving me plenty of time to get poked, almost stroke and return to work without anyone being the wiser of my little quirk.

There wasn’t much of a line at such an early hour this morning but I wasn’t the first appointment they had.  The pharmacy manager and a desk clerk were already busy checking people in and scheduling their next appointments.  The only shot my Walmart has in stock is the Moderna one, but that’s just fine with me.  They all feel the same when you are trying not to hyperventilate.  

I filled out the paperwork (four questions) and offered my insurance card.  The pharmacy manager put everything in their system and then sent me into another room.  He administered the shot in minutes-giving me very little time to panic.  I adjusted my sleeve, sat in the waiting area for fifteen minutes, and then reported back to work. Noting my condition five hours later, I wasn’t uncomfortable at all. 

For me, the most painful part has been hearing the excuses others have come up with not to get the shot.  The effort and creativity involved is really impressive.  There are some whoppers! And there’s no denying game has to recognize game. 

Here is a countdown of my favorites I have found online just today:

#4 “I don’t want fear to rule my life.”

But what about debilitating heart damage, lung damage and cognitive impairment?  These are just some of the effects covid survivors are reporting long after the infection has subsided.  We don’t know all the long term effects yet, but any of those three would be enough to affect one’s life expectancy and quality of life-not to mention your standard of living, personal finances and erectile function. 

Are you telling me you wouldn’t endure a little prick in order to save another? I know better!

#3 “Who knows what is in those shots? I don’t want chemicals and unnatural materials inside my body.” 

Do you know the ingredients of a bag of Doritos?  Chapstick?   How about your preferred cannabis delivery system? You take foreign materials into your body every day and to believe otherwise means already you are on something you should question.

#2 “Getting the vaccine goes against my political party/affiliation.”

I find it curious that so many varieties of this excuse are present on Twitter, but so few claiming the vaccinations violate religious principles.  Act of God? No. That’s an omission that is hard to ignore. 

It's a shot, not a party declaration.  I just don’t see your getting vaccinated as high a priority as removing a blockade in the Suez canal.  Besides, no matter what your political leanings, every party wants you to live.  If nothing was proven during the last election, it was that every living voter counts.  Right?

That, and not to listen to the pillow guy!

Which brings us to Number One.  In this case, it’s a two-fer!

#1 “I have heard there is a tracking chip contained in the shot.” Or “The vaccine is really the Mark of the Beast.”

Full disclosure: a close family member of mine buys into all the Q Anon bull feathers, which (as a humble public servant) really drives me crazy.  It’s the mental equivalent of having a rock in your shoe.  During the course of performing my ‘real’ job, I hear every cockamamie conspiracy theory out there and the only dumber questions than those posed by this online joke is the one that starts with “So if Thanksgiving falls on a Wednesday…”  

Tin foil hats aside, you are tracked all the time!  A shot changes nothing. You have a smart phone, email and Snapchat.  You just verified your identity and location when the latest stimulus payment was announced.  No one needs to track you with a shot when they can wait for you to check in at Starbucks. 

And the bible may have been vague about whether there is a Mark of the Beast or what it would look like, but it is very clear that it will be a mark.  Sure, it could be in the form of a tattoo, piercing, facial hair or something yet to be designed but I don’t think a band aid applies.  I just think the powers of darkness can do better than an adhesive that sticks better to my laundry than my skin.

If there was truly a Mark of the Beast coming in the future, my bet is that it would be a mullet.  Any haircut that makes your head look like a Borg battleship is certainly suspicious.

Now almost ten hours later, the injection site is a little tender, but no more than a tetanus shot or depo provera.  I returned to work timely and able to keep up with my writing demands without a problem.  And it made a difference. I’m reducing the spread of transmission to those I love and I’m not occupying one more bed in the ICU.  

So go take the shot!

I’m Jennifer Beck and I’m Jenuinely Jennifer.

Writer, Researcher and covid novelist!